Take My Hand
by In-The-Shadows
Summary: Harry X Draco slash. Angst. Harry finnily sees the truth about his sexuality but what will he do when those he trusted most let him down... More importantly who will have his back when he faces his toughest challange yet?


Authors Note: Okay, this is my first attempt at a really long Harry and Draco Story, hope you like it. ^_^

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Take My Hand

Chapter One:

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Disarmed

It was a bright and chilly September morning, the perfect day for Quidditch. The very first game of the year had just been played, Gryffindor V.S. Hufflepuff. Gryffindor

won of course. Harry had caught the snitch just by a hair in the middle of a corkscrew like turn. All the teammates, from both teams, were just assembling on the field for a picture, Gryffindor on one side, Hufflepuff on the other. "That's Great!" yelled Collin from behind the camera lens, which seemed to have permanently replaced his left eye. "No, lets get one more of everyone mixed up. Good inter-house relationships and all.

There were a few muffled complaints about wanting to shower and change and homework and what not, but for the most part the students were happy to comply to Collin's request. He had, after all, started the in school newspaper which was a help to them all, especially the devious purposes of Fred and George. Harry was squished somewhere in the middle when a the strong, muscular arm of the Hufflepuff keeper came around him, offering more breathing room and a bit of protection from the crowd. "Come on now lets show a little more liveliness than this!" Yelled the bright blue eyed brunet male sixth year that the arm belonged to.

As Harry watched him he felt a blush start to creep up his cheeks and over his nose. Mark, the seventh years name, was a year above Harry but they were fairly good friend considering their mutual love of Quidditch. They'd spent one or two afternoon's together practicing various techniques, but never in there four year friendship, had he evoked this particular feeling in Harry. The way the sun washed over his constantly messy brown hair, the way his smile lit up his eyes, and… Harry looked away hurriedly moments before the bulb flashed, signaling the picture was over. What was he thinking?! Did this mean he was gay or something? He needed time to think. Without wasting another second he took of at a blinding speed towards the common room to collect himself. What did this all mean?

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Harry sat beneath a large oak tree on the grounds with a completely crushed look on his face. His friends Ron and Hermione were nowhere to be seen. He had left them in the common room with a chipper remark about checking up on something in the library. They didn't protest, Hermione was too busy tutoring Ron in astronomy at the moment, and that was just find for him. He really needed to be alone right now to reconstruct his composure and find exactly one reason not to jump off the castle wall and end it all.

Now Harry was a fairly sensible person and would never really commit suicide. No matter how bad things got he was just to stubborn or to much of a coward to give up like that. Still, at the present moment his normally striking smile was no where to be seen and his Green eyes had a hurt and haunted look about them. As usual his eyes spoke the truth about his mood. He was hurting so much he actually felt a physical pain deep down in his chest. He buried his head in his hands as a few translucent beads of glass coated his eyes but refused to fall. A small whimper escaped through his parted lips as he curled even further into a, what he hoped was invisible, ball. 

_"I never thought anything could hurt this much…especially not after losing my parents…"_ he wondered to himself. His heart was truly bleeding and breaking in a more real way than it ever had before. _"I just…I just want someone to understand… Is that so much to ask for from my friends?!"_

It had been 2 months since that incident on the Quidditch Pitch and he'd been confident enough in his decision that he was bisexual, and that he was not interested in Mark, that he wanted to tell his friends. Problem was…how would they take it? Hermione was one to bring up many controversial issues to debate about and homosexuality had come up once or twice before. They'd both said they were fine with it, to each his own and all that, but they way they had said it lead Harry to believe that they only said those things because they didn't have to del with it everyday. After much indecision and near panic attacks he'd gone to the only person he knew, like himself, would never ever judge anyone no matter what. Neville. Neville had taken it very well, he was happy as long as Harry was happy, but his advice was a bit more disheartening…

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"Well Harry, maybe this is just me, but I don't think you should tell anyone else right now. Especially not Ron and Hermione. I think they'd probably not talk to you for a few days and have a hard time getting over it. Maybe you should tell them over summer break. You know, that way they'll miss you so much they won't be able to stay mad at you for long."

Harry had asked Neville repeatedly if that was what he really thought and his advice never changed. After another few days of Quiet deliberation Harry decided to confront Hermione first with something like a hypothetical question, only not that obvious that it was him he was talking about…

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**_"Hermione could I talk to you?" Harry ventured carefully._**

"Oh, well, I'm kind of busy now Harry…"

"Oh… um, It's kind of important…"

"Well… if you really need to talk…" Hermione gently slid her mountain of books out of the way to make room for Harry to sit down beside her.

"Well… I got a post a few days ago from a friend of mine in another house, I can't say ho because he made me vehemently swear that I wouldn't… Well, anyway he confided in me that he's bisexual. That wasn't such a big deal though. You know, to each his own, and I said I was happy for him, but then he told me he wanted to tell his other friends, cause I was the only one that knew, and he didn't know how they'd take it. He said they seemed fine with it, but that was only because thy didn't have to put up with it every day. He asked me what he should do and I don't know what to tell him."

Hermione took a moment to digest everything Harry had just said before replying. "Well Harry, I don't think sexuality is much of an issue at our age. I mean yes there are a few idiots, but not a lot of us are really sexual at this point. We have so much time ahead of us to change our minds. You're friend might not even feel the same way in a few months. You know, a lot of people question their sexuality at points when it really isn't an issue. Teenage experimentation and all that."

With every word that came out of her mouth Harry's heart was ripped more and more into shreds. It would be better if she was the most homophobic person in the world than this. This…this…it was like she as patting him on the head and placating him in a stupid phase until it went away. It was like his decision had no weight at all. Still, he managed to keep a calm, collected, composure. It looked more like he was seriously considering what she said then on the brink of tears. With a calm and even voice Harry replied, "Yeah I guess your right Hermione. I'd better tell him to stay silent Think about things for a while. That should do. Thanks."

Hermione smiled like a teacher who's pupil had just seen the light. "Glad to help Harry. Now, if you'll excuse me I really need to finish this before Ron comes back begging for more help." Harry let out a brilliantly faked laugh and patted her on the back as he left. Instead of heading up to his dorm room to cry like he really wanted to, Ron would find him, he walked the halls, semi empty because it was still technically lunch time, with a perfectly indifferent composure on. It wasn't until he passed the large set of windows in one particular hallway that he had another chance at hope. His eyes wandered over the grounds towards Hagrid's hut.

He had approached Hagrid in the exact same way he'd approached Hermione, telling him everything word for word. And Hagrid's reply had been the exact same thing. It was practically bloody word for word. This time, however, Harry got angry.

"So?! What's to bloody stop you from changing your mind about anything and everything if you wanted to?! Don't you have that same freedom to change your own bloody mind?!"

"Harry calm down please would' ya? Now I know tha I ha' the same chances to change meh mind, but its diffren' ya see. I'm older'n more set in meh ways. Yeh see?" 

"Crystal clear Hagrid. Crystal clear," he muttered with a carefully practiced air of indifference. "I'll, uh, see you later okay?"

"Alrigh' Harry. Just remember wha' I said." Harry nodded and walked calmly out. His fuming anger carefully pushed down until he was well out of earshot of anybody. Then he turned around and lividly spat, "Seems to be that's a hell of a bloody way to say you've got a bloody double standard!!!!!!!!!" He fell to the ground in to much anguish to even cry…

~~~

That was a bloody painful memory even now, one week later. How could they look at him and tell him that everything he said or did didn't mean a thing because he could change his mind at any moment? He was so frustrated over the whole thing he wanted to scream. And at the same it was so heartbreaking that his opinions would mean so little to his friends he wondered if there was a point in sharing anything anymore. He felt helpless and stripped of any weapons he might have had to defend himself against emotional hurt… There was just no preparing for this…

Far on the other side of the field strode a particularly arrogant young blond looking for someone in particular to hurt. It was the 5th of November already and they'd barely exchanged three insults among them. That simply wouldn't do, he had a reputation to keep up after all. Without the extra baggage of Crabe and Gole, they were pigging out in the common room, he was able to crest the hill closest to Harry in a much shorter time than usual. Just as well, he needed to ruffle Harry's feathers on his own this time just to reaffirm his position as the better man. Lately, you see, Draco had begun to question if there wasn't something more… more than trashing and showing up everyone else. It seemed kind of… childish… But there was no sense in turning back now, who would ever believe he'd want to try being nice? 

He paused at the top of the hill for a moment, trying to get his bearings when he spotted him. There, at the foot of a giant oak tree was the boy-who-lived. He could barely make him out, even from the hill top, because Harry, who wasn't a millimeter above 5'8" to begin with seemed intent on curling into a tighter and tighter ball, trying to disappeared almost. This, obviously, was fairly ridiculous since they seemed to be the only two who got out early from supper. Taken aback for a moment Draco's mood swiftly changed from bulling to curious. He descended the hill a silently as he could, from the looks of it he almost thought Harry would run like a frightened deer if he saw him coming.

He was right. Harry didn't hear him coming until it was too late to get away. At the snapping of a nearby twig brought his head up to meet Draco's curious? gaze. "Potter," he mumbled their usual greeting without it's usual bite and walked up next to him. Draco was not as thin or short as Harry ranking in a 5'11". Considering Harry's current state he was almost looming.

Harry sighed heavily before he spoke, his eyes free of tears and his voice unchecked by his own self control. "Malfoy," he started a tone softer then usual, "I really don't need to put up with you right now." Without saying a word Draco leaned against the tree and slid to the ground so that he was sitting silently beside Harry. Harry looked over at his with his eye's narrowed dangerously, "I said go away Ma-"

"No you didn't. You said you didn't need to put up with me. By this I assume you mean my bullying. Rest assured Potter, I am not hear to bully you."

Harry's mouth fell open a little bit in shock. While Draco's tone hadn't been exactly friendly he had promised not to bully him… then again when did Draco Malfoy ever keep his word to him? Mouth pulled thin and eyes narrowed even further he asked suspiciously, "Then what do you want?"

"To know what's bothering you so much. Cause to see you so upset before I even get here… well makes me wonder what my job is."

The look that crossed Harry's face just after Draco finished speaking made him, for the first time in his life, consider regretting what he'd said. He looked… so defeated… and so sad… no hurt was a better word. Yes, really, really hurt. Draco's arrogant smirk faded to a look of casual indifference as he studied Harry. His shoulders sagged and the vivid emotions glowing in his haunting green eyes whispered of a pain greater than any Voldormort or anyone else could ever inflict. Both boys looked away from each other simultaneously. They sat there in silence for a few minutes Harry suffering and Draco thinking until Draco spoke again. _"I'm sorry…" _It was hardly a whisper and Draco couldn't explain for the life of him why he'd said it, but there it was…

Harry look over at him in shock. Did Draco Malfoy just apologize… to _him?! _Surely he was dreaming. …But no… he had apologized…. True Draco was still facing forward and he couldn't get a clear shot of his striking gray eyes… but there was a small look of apology there. Harry sat up a little but, legs crossed, and stared at him lap. This was definitely something new. After taking a minute or two to let the apology sink in Harry let out another heavy sigh, closed his eyes, and leaned his head back against the tree. "Thanks…"

Draco turned his head to glance at the black haired Gryffindor. He looked really tired… like…like all that he'd ever really cared about was gone forever. Draco chanced another first and looked sympathetically at his rival. Even when Harry didn't speak his emotions were so evident they were almost palpable. Draco knew what it was like to feel anguish and emptiness. His childhood, still technically in progress during his sixteenth, soon to be seventeenth, year, hadn't exactly been normal either. Instead of tender loving parents he'd practically been in the army at birth. Trained hard and long with nothing soft or affectionate about it, and he'd regretted his birth into it more than once. With a lighter sigh of his own Draco leaned back against the tree, eyes closed, arms crossed, and head down. He felt he could understand, heck even relate to the seekers current state of mind. Yet another first.

Harry sat there for almost a half an hour just enjoying the peaceful area and, if it made any sense at all, the unusually tranquil aura of his rival. _"So this is what it's like to be civil hu?…Not bad,"_ Harry mused. When Dusk was upon them Harry decided he'd better get going if he wanted to avoid being questioned. He wasn't to keen on speaking to either of his two best friends at the moment, but still spoke when spoken to, why he didn't really know. With a rather large stretch and yawn Harry started, regretfully, stated back towards the castle. Since Draco didn't seem all to motivated to move, probably didn't want to be seen not fighting with him, Harry glanced over his shoulder and murmured, "Goodnight Malfoy." Again this wasn't exactly friendly…but it did leave open a door somewhere. The two couldn't help the brief, if not ridiculous thought that they may not be rivals forever… Only time would tell of course, but still… the past evening spent nonviolently in each other's company was a step towards…something.

Authors Note: Well there is the first chapter. Not quite the way I was planning, but I'm pleased all the same. ^_^


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